Crossroads of Twilight Shortened (NSFW Language)

Yesterday I posted a summation for Eye of the World that was created by John Collin, one of the fans of the Wheel of Time that is a member of the facebook group I admin.

John has created a shortened version of Crossroads of Twilight (Book 10)for us.  Fun Fact: CoT covers about 22 days in the Wheel of Time Story Line.

For you reading pleasure I present:  Crossroads of Twilight shortened (NSFW language) by John Collins:


Tuon: Are we there yet?
Mat: No
Tuon: Are we there yet?
Mat: No
Tuon: Are we there yet?
Mat: No
Tuon: Are we there yet?
Mat: No
Tuon: Are we there yet?
Mat: Yes. Get the fuck outta here.
Tuon: Have my babies.

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Perrin: Have you found Faile yet?
Scout: Nah.
Perrin: Dammit!
Masema: I’mma go wallow in pig shit. Brb.

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Elayne: Anybody know where my mom left my crown?
Arymilla: Not so fast!
Elayne (looking west): Dafuq is happening over there?
Birgitte: Dunno, but I bet that story is interesting.

12-kandi-eye-roll


Siuan (to Egwene): Have fun storming the tower!
Red Sisters: Not so fun, was it?

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Rand: Yeah, I’m still here.

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The Eye of the World (edited for brevity)

I have mentioned before that I admin a Facebook Wheel of Time Fan Group.  I have learned many things from that group. 

One of those things are the fact that Wheel of Time fans are extremely creative and most have a pretty good sense of humor. 

Don’t believe me? 

Well lucky for you I have an perfect example. Below you will find the creative work of one John Collin, I member of the Facebook WoT group. 

His summation of  Eye of the World has quickly become a favorite in the group. Enjoy!

 **********************************************************************

The Eye of the World (edited for brevity)

Lews Therin: Ilyena? Ilyena? Ilyena? Ilyena?
Camera Crew: That’s perfect!
Lews Therin: Dafuq are you?
Camera Crew: We’re making an FXX special that will air at 1:30 am
(Lews Therin balefires the camera crew out of existence)

Rand: Dad, I just saw a weird dark guy on the road.myrddraal
Tam: Don’t be racist.
Rand: Are we going into town?
Dad: Yes, let’s go.
Rand: Hey, Mat.
Mat: I’m a total asshole, but chicks dig me.
Perrin: I’m a character in this story, too.
Moiraine: C’mon guys, let’s all leave Emond’s Field for Tar Valon.
Rand: Nah.
Trollocs: KILL!!!
Rand: I’ll drive.
Egwene: I’m coming, too, to make sure you don’t cheat on me.
Rand: Meh, you’re just gonna friendzone me anyway.
Egwene: Good point.

Min: Welcome to Baerlon. Wanna know how you’re gonna die or nah?
Rand: I’ll just go for a walk.
Padan Fain: Uh, oh, gotta run.jan111158_1-_sx1280_ql80_ttd_
Rand: Why not come hang with us at the Stag and Lion?
Padan Fain: Pfft, sucker!
Rand: What?
Padan Fain: Nothing.
Nynaeve: Hah! Caught you! You didn’t think you were gonna get out of the twenty bucks you owe me that easily, did you?
Lan: How’d you find us?
Nynaeve: Mat kept posting Twitter updates.
Moiraine: Let’s go.

Egwene: Can you show me how to channel?
Moiraine: Ya sure.
Egwene: Rand, guess what?
Rand: You can channel?
Egwene: I can ch—Wait, how’d you know?
Rand: You just caught your dress on fire.
wot15cova

Lan: The trollocs are everywhere. We gotta go to Shadar Logoth.
Moiraine: Awright, everyone, don’t touch a thing there. We’re going to the most corrupt city on the planet.
Mat: Detroit?
Moiraine: Okay, second most.
Mat: I’mma just gonna take this thingy.
Moiraine: Don’t take the thingy.
Mat: I took the thingy.
Lan: We gotta get outta here.
Mashadar: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!
Moiraine: Oh shit.

Mat: Everyone is a Darkfriend!ce67e8f8e595a5b897fa0761462dfd41
Rand: You’re just going coo-coo bananas because of that dagger.
Mat: Yes, that’s true, but that has nothing to do with the fact that everyone is a
Darkfriend.
Rand: Good point. I’mma just zap ’em with the lightnings.
Howal Gode: BZZZZZZZZZT!
Mat: How’d you do that?
Rand: Fuck it if I know.

Egwene: Have you found us any rabbits?
Perrin: I haven’t found any rabbits.
Elyas: I have some rabbits.
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Perrin & Egwene: Thanks
Elyas: You’re a wolf, Perrin.
Perrin: What makes you say that?
Elyas: You just howled.
Perrin: Nah, I just did that cuz Egwene is hot.
Elyas: That wasn’t Egwene. That’s Dapple.
Perrin: Oh.

Nynaeve: Hey, Lan, let’s go under this hedge and do it.
Lan: Nah.
2260424-nynaeve

Rand: Hey, Mat, we made it to Caemlyn.
Mat: I’mma go sulk in the corner.
Rand: Okay, well, I’mma go climb a wall because there’s nothing better for when people are chasing you to make yourself really conspicuous.
Elayne: Yo.
Rand: I really fell for you, Elayne.
Elayne: That was terrible.
Rand: I know.
Galad: I’m tellin’!

Moiraine: Finally found you all. Let’s go to Tar Valon cuz it’s super important.
Loial: I heard someone tell me that they heard from a friend that something’s going down at the Eye of the World.
Moiraine: Let’s go there instead, then.tnwot33covmoore

Green Man: Heya.
Balthamel: RAWWWR!!!
Green Man: Looks like somebody needs a hug.
Aginor: RAWWWWWR!!!
Rand: I’mma kill you now.
Aginor: Dammit!
*All pictures are from the Eye of the World Graphic Novel

Tuon (Fortuona Athaem Kore Paendrag)

During my interactions with Wheel of Time fans I have run across an oddity when it comes to the character Tuon.

Many fans do not realize or overlook the fact the Tuon, for all intents and purposes, is black.

Of course, this really isn’t that big of a deal. One of the things that I cherish about the Wheel of Time series is the fact that skin color is irrelevant.

However, I have found myself pointing out this fact (usually when fantasy casting is brought up).  And then I need to find quotes from the book.

I think part of the confusion is that the People of Seanchan are not homogeneous in their appearance.  Much like the United States there is a wide range of skin color.  Many readers seem to assume that everyone in Seanchan is the same color.

It is interesting because the two main characters from Seanchan, Tuon and Selucia, are opposites in almost every way, including color.

But I digress, the point of this blog post is to provide some pictures and references from the books concerning Tuon’s appearance. So, I will move on to that 🙂

Book References (this is not a complete list):

“With an oath, he spun on his heel and found himself facing Tuon, her dark face, stern behind the long transparent veil” -Winter’s Heart (page 584 eBook)

“Tuon raised a peremptory hand, a black porcelain doll, but every inch a queen despite the shabby, too large dress” – Crossroads of Twilight (page 761 eBook)

“Tuon’s face was as smooth as a stern mask of dark glass.” – Crossroads of Twilight (page 155 eBook)

There are more and I will eventually update this post. (eventually)

Artist Interpretations (includes fan art and official licensed art):

There are many Ariel and Seamas are both Officially Licensed Wheel of Time Artist.

🙂

Ta’veren Ties Charity Fundraiser at Jordancon <3

Reposting this here for anyone who plans to be at JordanCon but doesn’t always follow the JordanCon group!
—————————-♥ ———————–
Love is in the air….and – dare I say it – the faint scent of #shenanigans!

JordanCon is bringing back the Ta’veren Ties charity fundraiser! Mat Cauthon is a perennial favorite as a cosplayable character and nowhere is that more apparent than at JordanCon. And if we’re all going to be gawking at them anyway, why not raise the stakes?

The rules are simple. The Queen will bestow her token on all Mat Cauthon cosplayers who are willing to participate in the game. Buy a pink ribbon (or more than one) and award it to any Mat Cauthon cosplayer who bears the Queen’s token. Then, just before the Saturday dance party, the Queen and her ladies-in-waiting will count all the ribbons each cosplayer has received. The Mat Cauthon with the most ribbons wins the prize (as well as the Queen’s heart). What is the prize? Well, for that you’ll just have to wait and see!

For more information and all the details on how you can help us raise more money for the Mayo Clinic — either as a cosplayer or by buying ribbons — check out the link below:

http://jordancon.org/…/jordancon-9-charity-game-taveren-ties

#ShenanigansforCharity And always remember: #CosplayisNotConsent

Licensed Wheel of Time Art courtesy of Edsel Arnold. You can purchase a print of this fantastic art at: http://www.edselarnold.com/prints/pink-ribbons-print

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Reason #1 to come to Jordancon 9: Tel’aCON’ rhiod: The Con of your Dreams

Hello All!!!

Jordancon is  fast approaching so you will be seeing more blog post from me.  The wonderful Jordancon Marketing team has started a “20 Reasons to Attend Jordancon” campaign.  I will be reposting their reasons here.

Starting with:

Reason #1 why you can’t miss #JordanCon 9:

Where else can you discuss the art of Space Opera with Charles Gannon? The fourth book in his Caine Riordan sci-fi series is out now!

aethersofmars

https://www.amazon.com/…/B001HO…/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

Pre-register now–the deadline is March 26th! #IsItAprilYet?

Condensed (very condensed) Story Timeline by Book

This is just a basic timeline of what year it is in each book.
I haven’t found or created a timeline for New Spring but it starts on the the day before Danshu, Nesan 27, 978 (which would be around the time Rand was born)
 
Eye of the World Begins on Aine 8, 998 NE Winternight
 
998 NE
Book 1 – Eye of the World
Book 2 – The Great Hunt
 
999 NE
Book 3 – The Dragon Reborn
Book 4 – The Rising Shadow
Book 5 – The Fires of Heaven
Book 6 – Lord of Chaos – Chapter 53:The Feast of Lights
 
1000 NE
Book 6 – Lord of Chaos – Chapter 54:The Sending
Book 7 – A Crown of Swords
Book 8 – The Path of Daggers
Book 9 – Winter’s Heart
Book 10 – Crossroads of Twilight
Book 11 – Knife of Dreams
Book 12* – Gathering Storm
Book 13* – Towers of Midnight
Book 14 – A Memory of Light
 
*Books 12 and 13 can be read concurrently as they cover the same period of time but different POVs. A combined reading guide by Deana Whitney can be found HERE
 
The timeline information was taken from: http://www.stevenac.net/wot/tl0998.htm